Stargate SG-1: Pirates of the SCG
by dhaken666
Summary: Jack and crew need to take a ship to find a Goa'uld. Jack HATES big ships, so of course, hilarity ensues! This is all about the journey on the ship... Sam/Jack


_Pirates of the SGC_

Jack O'Neill glared up at the large ship, then down at his obscenely baggy shirt and leather breeches. This was all so ridiculous. Not once in his career did he ever thing he would; a) be stealing a ship. A_ sailing_ ship. Or b) impersonate a pirate. Sure, pirates were cool enough in movies, but he never wanted to _be_ one! His glare turned in the direction of Major Carter. "Tell me again why we're doing this?"

Carter glanced over at him, her blue eyes sparkling in the sunlight. "Daniel said this is the best way we can get a ship," she replied.

Jack frowned deeply, giving the looming ship his best glare. Why did they have to go on a boat? He hated boats!

"He and Teal'c should be back with our crew soon," Carter added, glancing up from packing their weapons, kits and vests into a crate they found on the wharf.

Jack's frown remained solidly in place as he leaned back against the stack of crates they were hiding behind. He crossed his arms, getting them tangled in the billowing sleeves. "I cannot wait until this is all over," he grumbled.

Carter spared him a glance. "You and me both. Sir."

Sighing, Jack closed his eyes briefly before turning to face Carter. "Don't tell me you're still pissed about the whole 'cabin boy' thing?"

A tight smile formed on her lips. "Of course not, 'Captain'."

Jack rolled his eyes, but left it at that because Daniel approached them, looking oddly satisfied.

"We've got our crew," he told them, squatting down in front of Jack. No one should squat while wearing tight leather breeches, Jack thought.

"Excellent. Big, strapping, Teal'c sized men, I hope?" Jack questioned, pushing himself to his feet and watching Carter do the same.

"Oh yeah," Daniel answered, his gaze settling on Carter. "Great disguise, Sam," he added, nodding his approval.

"If I either suffocate or my circulation gets cut off, it's on your heads," she grumbled at Daniel, but Jack couldn't help but notice she used the plural.

"I'll, uh, keep that in mind," Daniel replied, but cast a grin in Jack's direction, which earned him a glare in response. The fact that Sam had to play dress up once again was, in actuality, completely Jack's fault this time. And Daniel couldn't let that go.

Earlier today when they discovered they were in need of a ship and a crew, they had come across a very scary-looking guy who said he could gather the people they needed. Daniel was doing the introductions as usual, and the big guy was eyeing Carter up in a very un-business like manner. Jack, without thinking, cut in saying Carter was his cabin boy. The TAC vest did a fair job of concealing the most contradictory evidence to his statement. He had only said it because he did not like the way Giganto was looking at her. He knew the expression all too well.

"Daniel, help me carry this," Carter eventually said, interrupting Jack's thoughts.

Daniel nodded, reaching down to help Carter with the crate. Something hanging from his belt glinted in the bright sunlight.

"Where the hell did you get a fancy-ass sword like that?" Jack demanded, staring at the well made golden hilt. Strips of the precious metal were woven together in an intricate pattern, making a guard over the grip.

Barely sparing a glance down at the weapon, Daniel shrugged with one shoulder. "Found it," he replied.

"Found it?" Jack grumbled, following behind the crate as they headed closer to the big, evil ship.

"Yeah. Found it."

"Where exactly did you 'find it'?" Jack made air quotations, his brow furrowed.

Daniel let out a sharp sigh. "Seriously, Jack. I found it in that warehouse we 'gated into. There's a ton of stuff in there. That's actually where we acquired all of our supplies.

"Probably supplies for one of the other ships here," Carter added absently, her eyes locked on something ahead of her.

The perpetual frown deepened and Jack looked up to see Teal'c, the big guy --Robertson-- and a group of about thirty guys. Probably wasn't a good idea to all hang around like this in the middle of the day. Though he had noticed that security was pretty lax around here.

"Kinda pretty for a boy," one particular man commented. A guy with missing teeth, oversized muscles and three piercings in one ear. Cliché, much?

Carter's jaw twitched, but she said nothing. The carefully contained emotions of a soldier. It was an art, really.

"Told ya so," answered Robertson. Apparently he knew each cutthroat personally. That just made Jack feel all tingly inside.

"O'Neill," Teal'c spoke up for the first time with a slight smirk on his lips.

"T? What's up?" asked Jack, hooking his thumbs on his belt. Stupid breeches didn't have pockets.

"Ship Captains enjoy wearing elegant head wear, do they not?" he asked, inclining his head ever so slightly.

"Jack shrugged. "Who doesn't enjoy a nice hat?"

"I hate brought you such a hat," Teal'c continued, withdrawing his hands from behind his back. In them he held a floppy-looking black hat with an oversized, fluffy blue feather.

Jack stared at it for a moment. "Sweet." He took the hat and put it on. The feather fell into his face.

Daniel was trying hard to suppress a grin, as was Carter.

"Teal'c, take the men and secure the ship," Jack instructed, pushing the feather from his face.

Satisfied, Teal'c nodded and took the men to secure the large, menacing ship.

"I-uh-probably should have warned you," Daniel muttered with a little cough.

"About what?" Jack replied in a casual manner, rocking on his heels.

Carter cleared her throat, raising a hand to shield her eyes. "Teal'c's been watching _Pirates of the Caribbean_."

"Ah."

A brisk sea breeze fluttered the loose fabric of their shirts as they waited for Teal'c to give them the all-clear. After a few minutes, Daniel cleared his throat.

"Um, I should also tell you that this trip is going to take a while," he said, getting Sam to set the crate down.

"How long?" Jack grumbled, casting a sidelong look at his friend.

"About two and a half weeks. Oh, and, uh, Sam, you and Jack are gonna have to share the Captain's cabin," the brunet explained, adjusting his olive green bandanna.

"A ship this size should have enough cabins," Sam said with a frown.

"Oh, it does, but since you're the cabin boy, it's common practice to share the Captain's quarters," Daniel answered. Jack noticed he took a step away from Carter as he said 'cabin boy'.

"Great…" Carter muttered, noticing Teal'c on deck and leaving Jack and Daniel's company.

"I'm not surprised, really. Not after what happened with Aphrodite…" Daniel muttered, crossing his arms.

Jack frowned. He really didn't want to talk about that. "Not my fault, remember?" he growled, hoping the warning would put Daniel off the subject. "Besides, you forgave me for beating you up."

"True. But you almost, you know…" Daniel waved his hand in a vague circle.

"Don't remind me. Now help me carry this damn box," Jack growled. What a lovely sour mood he was in…Everyone but Teal'c was pissing him off. This was going to be an exceptionally long two weeks…

Jack swallowed heavily against the stinging bile that continued to creep up his throat. His stomach moved with the ship. Pitching, rolling and flopping.

_Stop thinking, O'Neill_, he scolded himself. _And stop that groaning!_

The terrible groaning pitched with the ship, and he wasn't even sure he was doing it. All he knew was that it was a terrible sound to accompany the terrible feeling in his gut.

As he was trying to think about something else, the ship lurched and an odd noise escaped his throat as the bed dropped out from under him.

"Gwah!" he grunted, unsure of the meaning of the word. The groaning came at the same time, however, so he knew he wasn't the one making the noise. One less thing to worry about.

Breathing slowly, trying to pass another wave of nausea, Jack heard the door creak open. He risked opening his eyes, which was a terribly bad idea, but he saw Carter entering the room.

"How are you feeling, sir?" she asked politely, walking across the cabin. As a distraction, Jack counted her footsteps.

"What does 'gwah' mean?" he asked in place of an answer about the state of his health.

"Gwah, sir?" There was a hint of amusement in her voice.

"Yes, gwah." Jack made sure to use few words, because talking made him feel worse.

She was silent for a moment. "I think it's a word used when all other words of dismay don't express what you mean. Or it could be a connotation of laziness."

A bark of laughter erupted from Jack's throat, which quickly turned into a cough, then, when he dove for the bucket beside his bed, retching. When the awful sound subsided, he looked up at Carter. "I won't be responsible for what happens if you make me lau--" The sentence was cut off by another demonstration of the consequences of laughing while nauseous.

After a while, the retching ebbed into dry heaves that made his chest burn. Forcing himself to lie back on the bed, he took slow, shallow breaths.

As he lay there, he heard nothing from Carter, and actually thought she had left until he felt a cool cloth over his eyes.

"Carter?" he questioned.

"It, uh, makes me feel better when I'm sick," she answered, her voice closer to him now.

"I'm fine," he explained, hoping it would be true if he said it enough.

"No, you're seasick," Carter corrected with a chuckle. She was finding this amusing. Why was she finding this amusing? This was not amusing at all. This was downright unpleasant!

"No, I just ate bad…food…"

"You haven't eaten anything but crackers since yesterday morning."

"And they didn't help. Why do people say something works, when it never does?" The last word came out clipped when Jack felt another lurch in his stomach that accompanied the waves. No more talking. Talking is a bad idea.

Jack could hear the smirk in Carter's voice when she spoke again, "Calm down. You'll make yourself sick again."

Lifting a hand, Jack moved the damp rag from one eye and looked at Carter, who was perched on the side of the big bed. "Exactly how much-- how much time do you spend with good ol' Doc Fraiser?"

Carter grinned in lieu of an answer. Although she was grinning, her eyes betrayed her nervousness at being this close to him.

Reaching up, he touched her arm and felt her muscles tense. "Carter, listen. You know I wasn't myself, right? I would never have--"

"I know," she cut him off, knowing just what he was trying to say. It was a good thing too, because words were not his forte.

"We good?"

A soft smile graced her lips. "We're good."

"Good. Help me up, will you?" he asked, bracing his arm underneath him to support his weight.

"Sure," Carter agreed, leaning over to help.

Three things happened then. The ship lurched again, causing Carter to fall on top of him and Daniel to come stumbling into the room.

Daniel's spectacled eyes locked on Carter and Jack and he blinked a few times. "I can, uh, come back later if you're busy--?"

Jack shot the man his most menacing glare, but it was probably more of a pained grimace.

As Carter helped Jack to stand on wobbly legs, Daniel made himself at home in the tall backed chair that was nailed to the floor behind a matching desk. Hooking one leg over the arm of the chair, Daniel propped a leather bound journal in his lap and cleared his throat.

"I just came by to give you a report on what's been going on. Since you're indisposed, I've taken over command and Teal'c's learning to navigate. The weather's fair, so we're making pretty good time. Um, I think our ragtag crew of pirates knows we don't sail much, but I don't think they care as long as they get paid…" Daniel stopped in the middle of his report when Jack's dry heaves returned. After a few minutes, they subsided and Daniel continued. "Nice…Um, so if this weather keeps up, Robertson said we may be able to shave about three days off our journey. Other than that, things have been uneventful."

"Good. Let's hope it stays that way," Jack managed to answer, his voice hoarse.

Daniel got out of the chair and moved back toward the cabin door. "Um, Jack, you should get some sleep. You're seasickness will probably pass if you sleep it off…" he suggested before he left the room.

"He's right. I'll get something to help you sleep," Carter added, moving to the far side of the room to search for something in her med kit.

Jack sat gingerly back down on the bed. Closing is eyes, he let out a slow breath. He couldn't wait for that sedative so he could sleep the rest of this wretched day away.

Water sloshed over the deck as the ship pitched and fell. People scrambled back and forth over the slippery wood. Teal'c held onto the helm, muscles bulging, Daniel shouted commands, squinting through wet lenses, Carter helped one man secure some rigging, and Jack? Well, Jack stood in the door way of his cabin, clutching the frame as he tried to keep his legs underneath him and his stomach out of his throat.

So much for calm weather.

They had been out on the open ocean for a week. The nice weather had continued for six days. His seasickness had last four, and then had gone away, but now it was threatening to come back.

As he tried to stagger across the soaked deck, holding his hat on because the wind threatened to steal it off his head, Jack slid a couple of yards to the side. He managed to grab a rope in a white knuckled grip to keep him from sliding anymore as the ship continued to pitch and fall. He got sprayed with sea water as another wave slammed into the ship. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Carter slipping on the deck. Stretching an arm out, he managed to grab her around the waist before she slid past him.

"Oh! Sir!" she gasped, clutching onto him out of reflex.

"Carter! Fancy seeing you here!" Jack replied, holding her tightly. A particularly strong gust grabbed at their clothes and tore Jack's hat from his head. "Awe…Teal'c's gonna be crushed."

Carter grinned up at him, still clutching onto his shirt. She reached up with one hand and tried to brush her dripping her hair from her eyes. "Sir, I really should go help Daniel!" she called over the roar of the wind and water.

Jack turned his head in the direction of Daniel's voice. The archeologist had himself roped to a wooden post, and the rest of the crew was doing the same. "Uh, Carter, I think it would be better if you stayed here."

"Why?" Carter looked around Jack and saw the crew strapping in, and then turned her head to the side and her eyes went impossibly wide. "Maybe you're right," she answered.

Jack's eyes traveled in the same direction and his hands went to the rope at the same moment he spotted the huge wave coming toward the ship. With numb fingers, he took the rope he had been holding onto and looped it round his and Carter's waists, tying them together and securing them to a nearby post.

"Hold on Carter. Things are going to get very rough!" Jack shouted over the increasing roar. His 2IC held onto him, her warmth seeping through Jack's shirt.

Jack held himself tensely as he waited for the wave to hit the ship. It seemed like an eternity, but eventually they were drenched in gallons of ice cold salt water as the ship was being tossed. The deck fell out from under his feet as the ship was tilted on a severe angle. His arms tightened around Carter's waist as they hung limply in the air for a moment before their ship hit the ocean hard.

Carter cried out when they hit the water. Jack only heard it because he felt like doing the same thing. His head struck the post they were tied to and a blinding pain pulsed behind his eyes. His hearing began to fade and he felt Carter go limp against him. It didn't take long before he joined her in the black void reserved for the unconscious…

When the storm ebbed and the clouds began to part, Daniel untied himself and immediately went to check on Jack and Sam. He had seen them go down after cracking their heads on their support post.

Careful not to slip on the drenched deck and shards of wood, Daniel made his way over to their slumped forms.

Despite being chilled to the bone, miserable, sore, wet, tired and hungry, a smile made its way to Daniel's lips. The scene before him was like the cover of a cheesy grocery store romance novel. Jack and Sam had slid to the deck, one on top of the other. Sam was tied to Jack's waist and was curled up in his lap, asleep. Jack had his arms wrapped around her, also asleep.

Daniel waved Teal'c over. "Make sure no one wakes them up," he said as he went to fetch his video camera. He didn't waste any time in returning.

"What are you doing, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"This'll be even better than the video of them arguing," Daniel muttered to himself as he snapped a few still shots of the team leader and the astrophysicist.

Teal'c's eyebrows rose a little more as Daniel went to return his camera.

When the archeologist returned, he crouched in front of Jack and Sam and gently shook them awake.

"Whoa!" Jack jerked awake, but kept his arms firmly around Sam's waist.

Carter woke up more slowly, pushing her hair back from her face and yawning widely. The first face she saw was Jack's, and it had a worried expression plastered on it. Concerned, she turned her head and looked up at Daniel, then over to Teal'c.

"Uh. Storm's over," Daniel said, crossing his arms and trying to hide his grin.

"Daniel." Jack frowned up at the dripping archeologist.

"Yes, Jack?" Daniel sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and raised his eyebrows.

Jack opened his mouth to say something sarcastic, but Sam spoke first. "Daniel, bring me a blanket, please?"

"Why don't you just go into the cabin?" Daniel asked, but he didn't need an answer. She was wearing a white shirt and had her chest wrapped in thin white cloth underneath. Both had been completely saturated.

Sam glared up at him. An expression that was rarely found on the face of the good-natured woman.

Daniel couldn't suppress his grin any longer and ended up walking away before he burst out laughing.

"Teal'c, go keep an eye on Daniel. It would be tragic if he were to slip into the ocean before I get a chance to break his legs," Jack growled, standing up and helping Carter up as well.

Teal'c bowed his head and followed after Daniel.

Jack frowned uncomfortably as he untied the knots in the rope that secured them to the ship. When he reached behind her to untie the last knot, he stared over the top of her head.

"Go, ah, get changed. I need to have a word with our friend Dr. Jackson," Jack muttered, turning away from his 2IC.

"Yes, sir." With her arms crossed over her chest and a light blush on her cheeks, Carter separated herself from Jack and dashed across the deck and into the Captain's cabin.

With a groan, Jack closed his eyes tightly. "Will this trip never end?" he asked himself as he opened his eyes to the wet, splinter covered deck of the ship. Raking his hand through his hair, Jack's eyes roamed over the deck until he spotted Daniel and Teal'c. With careful steps, Jack started toward them. Daniel caught his eye and looked, to his credit, a bit spooked. The spectacled man looked like he wanted to run. Jack let a dangerous smirk pull at his lips. Daniel could run all he wanted. He was just freaking himself out. After all, Jack wouldn't do anything _too_ evil…

Jack rolled over for the third time in ten minutes. They had been on the ocean for just over thirteen days and the only decent sleep he had gotten was when he was sedated. The sleep he had gotten on deck hadn't been too bad other than his legs had gone to sleep.

Now laying spread eagle on his back, Jack stared at the ceiling. The cabin was illuminated by the red hued glow of the full moon and the only sounds were the creaking of the ship and Carter's soft breathing. She was fast asleep in her hammock after the night's activities of snooping through Daniel's camera. They had been a little suspicious of his behavior after the storm, so they had gone on a little fact finding mission.

While Daniel had been at the helm with Teal'c, they had gone through his journal and learned of the video and the pictures he had taken. Then after everyone had turned in, Carter had gone through all the footage in his camera. It was a good thing for them that he stored it with their kits and weapons.

After they had viewed the video of them arguing and the pictures of them sleeping on deck, he and Carter had agreed not to chew him out until they got back home. That way they had time to think up a suitable 'punishment'

With a soft sigh, Jack rolled out of bed and stretched. A shiver ran up his spine as the cold from the floor seeped up through the soles of his feet. He had finally decided on why he couldn't sleep. The bed was too damned soft. He was used to sleeping on the ground. On the _still_ ground. He needed to find a better place to sleep, or he wouldn't be fit to fight once they got to land. The deck wasn't suitable because he'd be rolling all over the place. The crew quarters were already too crowded…Damnit! His ability to sleep anywhere had deserted him as soon as they had gotten on the ship! These damned things always screwed his senses up.

Ruffling his hair, he padded his way across the room to where Carter's hammock hung in the corner. Stopping beside her, he reached over and placed his hand gently on her shoulder.

"Carter," he hissed in her ear, shaking her shoulder a couple of times. She didn't answer. "Major!" He shook her shoulder roughly this time. Her eyes eventually fluttered open.

"Sir?" she asked groggily when her eyes met his. She blinked a few times and yawned. "What's up?"

"Do you want to sleep in the bed?" he asked her, standing up straight.

Carter was silent for a moment. "Uh, no?"

"Relax, Carter. I haven't been able to sleep in that bed. I'll switch you places," he clarified, smirking at her answer.

"Um…oh. Okay." Swinging her legs out of the hammock, Carter stood up and made her way over to the bed.

"Night, Carter," Jack said, getting into the hammock.

"Night, sir."

The mattress creaked as Carter got into the bed and made herself comfortable. She sighed as she found a comfortable position and fell back to sleep as if nothing had happened. Damn her.

From his new position, he could see how well the moonlight illuminated the big bed. Carter was lying on her back, one arm stretched out above her head, the other resting on her stomach. Her chest rose and fell with each breath she took and her hair fanned out on the pillow.

Jack grumbled to himself, turning his head away from his very beautiful 2IC. Well…so much for sleep. He wasn't going to be getting any tonight.

Noon on day seventeen and the ship finally came to land. Jack was tired, frustrated, pissed off and in a fighting mood. His team knew that an avidly avoided him while they were preparing to weigh anchor. Between Daniel and Carter, he was already halfway to crazy. There was no way in hell he was going to make this trip ever again. He'd single handedly fight a battalion of Jaffa first!

"Uh, sir?" Carter's voice reached his ears.

"What?" He turned to glare at her. She, along with the other members of SG-1 had changed back into their field gear.

"We're ready to go."

"Right." With one last look at this hellish form of transport, Jack followed Carter off the ship. Daniel and Teal'c were waiting for them on the beach.

"So, Jack, you ready to go 'kick some Goa'uld butt'?" Daniel asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Jack glanced at his team, turned and started off down the beach. "Are you kidding? By this point I'm ready to join the damned snakehead!"


End file.
